1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,720 Subs created by: David Coleman. 2 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,639 One... 3 00:00:10,128 --> 00:00:12,108 Two... 4 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,270 Four... 5 00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,185 Five... 6 00:00:16,186 --> 00:00:17,379 Six... 7 00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:18,568 Seven... 8 00:00:18,569 --> 00:00:19,380 Eight... 9 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:20,157 Nine... 10 00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:22,018 Ten! 11 00:00:22,019 --> 00:00:25,912 Okay, I'll turn on the TV. You make us a pizza. 12 00:00:25,913 --> 00:00:28,979 - But the kids are hiding. - So? 13 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,950 As their babysitters, we're supposed to seek. 14 00:00:32,951 --> 00:00:36,491 Yeah, we're not doing that. 15 00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:38,755 Sam! I got a big problem! 16 00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:41,017 - Cat, I got a big problem. - What? 17 00:00:41,018 --> 00:00:43,927 Dice has a big problem and I don't wanna hear about it. 18 00:00:43,928 --> 00:00:47,660 Oh Sam, you're so funny and insensitive. 19 00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:50,574 Come on, you guys, this is major! 20 00:00:50,575 --> 00:00:52,915 Mm, okay... 21 00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:55,695 - How old are you? - Twelve. 22 00:00:55,696 --> 00:00:57,364 Uh-oh. 23 00:00:57,365 --> 00:00:59,677 I got this. 24 00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,873 You see, Dice, at your age, 25 00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:07,774 it's normal for boys to start noticing new and wonderful changes to their armpits. 26 00:01:08,754 --> 00:01:09,887 Sam. 27 00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:11,289 Dice, what's the problem? 28 00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:13,858 Goomer's mom is coming to visit! 29 00:01:13,859 --> 00:01:17,608 Oh no! Cat, quick! We better grab our heads and scream! 30 00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:18,845 Ah! 31 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,646 Ah! 32 00:01:21,293 --> 00:01:24,102 Okay. You guys wanna make jokes and not help me? 33 00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:26,934 I'll just leave then. 34 00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:29,874 Alright, I'm back, please help me! 35 00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:33,955 Aw, come here ya little wiener bun. 36 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,850 Hey. Why's it such a big deal that Goomer's mom is coming? 37 00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:39,777 Because his mom hates fighting, 38 00:01:39,778 --> 00:01:43,021 and Goomer's never told her that he's a professional MMA fighter! 39 00:01:43,022 --> 00:01:45,490 So? Why does he care what his "Mommy" thinks? 40 00:01:45,491 --> 00:01:48,881 You don't understand. Goomer's not gonna stand up to his mother. 41 00:01:48,882 --> 00:01:50,996 And if she finds out he's a fighter, 42 00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:53,942 she'll probably make him move back home to Louisiana. 43 00:01:53,943 --> 00:01:55,251 Louisiana? 44 00:01:55,252 --> 00:01:59,132 I went to camp with a girl named Louise. 45 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:02,373 She pooped in the lake. 46 00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:05,558 She tried to blame it on a fish. 47 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,959 But I knew. 48 00:02:10,082 --> 00:02:13,642 - Aw... - Oh, kid, why ya getting so upset? 49 00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:17,328 Because I'm Goomer's manager. And if he moves away... 50 00:02:17,329 --> 00:02:19,174 Ya know... 51 00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:21,367 I could lose a lot of money. 52 00:02:21,368 --> 00:02:22,998 Hmm. 53 00:02:22,999 --> 00:02:25,902 Ya sure it's just about the money? 54 00:02:25,903 --> 00:02:30,565 Maybe you're scared of Goomer moving away because he's your best friend? 55 00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:32,404 I don't... 56 00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:34,220 I just... 57 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,841 She pooped in a lake? 58 00:02:36,842 --> 00:02:39,710 Hey, listen, don't sweat this. We'll help ya figure out something. 59 00:02:39,711 --> 00:02:41,246 - Really? - Sure we will. 60 00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:43,852 Hey! My sister and I are still hiding. 61 00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:45,587 And we're still counting. 62 00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:46,845 Eight... 63 00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:48,058 Nine... 64 00:02:48,059 --> 00:02:49,354 Ten! 65 00:02:49,355 --> 00:02:54,215 - I'll turn on the TV. - I'll make a pizza. 66 00:02:55,945 --> 00:02:57,961 ♪ I'm never that far. 67 00:02:57,962 --> 00:03:00,428 ♪ No matter where you are. 68 00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:04,238 ♪ Believe it, we can make it come true. 69 00:03:04,239 --> 00:03:07,086 ♪ And I, I, I, I... 70 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,852 ♪ I'll never say, never. 71 00:03:09,853 --> 00:03:13,989 ♪ As long as we keep it together. 72 00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,514 ♪ Oh! 73 00:03:15,515 --> 00:03:19,300 ♪ It's the life that we choose, and we still break the rules. 74 00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:22,262 ♪ But it's all gonna be just fine. 75 00:03:22,263 --> 00:03:23,293 ♪ Just fine. 76 00:03:23,294 --> 00:03:27,854 ♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine. 77 00:03:27,911 --> 00:03:30,011 ♪ Oh. 78 00:03:31,476 --> 00:03:33,276 Ow. 79 00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:35,836 Ow. Ow. 80 00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:40,017 Come on, Goomer, ya gotta try. 81 00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:42,067 Kay-kay. 82 00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:43,928 Ooh! 83 00:03:43,953 --> 00:03:45,356 Ow. 84 00:03:45,357 --> 00:03:47,319 Come on Goomer, let's go, get up! 85 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,100 Nah, I'll just rest down here. 86 00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:54,263 Ah, ya pile a'dope. 87 00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:56,467 There he is. 88 00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:58,736 Hey, what you doing on the floor? 89 00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:02,240 I'm worried about my mom coming. 90 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:04,408 Well, don't be. We're gonna help you. 91 00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:06,467 - You are? - Yeah, man. 92 00:04:06,468 --> 00:04:09,380 Now your mom has no idea that you're a fighter? 93 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:12,950 Nuh-uh. I told her that I have a different job. 94 00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:14,218 Oh, well great! 95 00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:17,484 We'll just help you pretend you have whatever job it is you told her you have. 96 00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:18,999 What job did you tell her you have? 97 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,951 I said I was a high school history teacher. 98 00:04:21,952 --> 00:04:24,695 - Ah. - Oh my God, Goomer. 99 00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:27,598 - Well, good luck people. - No no no, Sam, don't go. 100 00:04:27,599 --> 00:04:28,766 Come on! 101 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:32,136 How the spank are we gonna make anyone believe he's a high school teacher? 102 00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,505 We can do it. When does your mom get here? 103 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:37,474 Tomorrow. I told her to meet me at Bots. 104 00:04:37,475 --> 00:04:38,575 Why at a restaurant? 105 00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:42,146 Because she's always happiest when she's holding a sandwich. 106 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:46,017 Ooh, well we could be there and pretend to be his students! 107 00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:48,104 Listen... 108 00:04:48,105 --> 00:04:52,065 Sometimes you get too enthusiastic. 109 00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,444 - What time at Bots tomorrow? - Four. 110 00:04:54,445 --> 00:04:55,692 We'll be there. 111 00:04:55,693 --> 00:04:57,929 - Ah, I can't. - Why not? 112 00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:02,670 Because my weird Aunt Ferjeen fell off a horse and fractured both of her arms! 113 00:05:02,671 --> 00:05:05,036 And I gotta feed her at four. 114 00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:07,038 Ah, it's all right. We got this for ya. 115 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:10,808 Yep. Just trust Valentine and Puckle. 116 00:05:10,809 --> 00:05:12,576 It's Puckett. 117 00:05:12,577 --> 00:05:14,345 You told me it was Puckle. 118 00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:18,546 I said Puckett. I always say Puckett. 119 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,185 I thought it was Pickle. 120 00:05:21,186 --> 00:05:22,879 Who would name me Sam Pickle?! 121 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,720 - Mister and Mrs. Pickle. - Bye! 122 00:05:31,496 --> 00:05:34,256 I'm scooting by! 123 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,734 Hello. How are your foods? 124 00:05:37,735 --> 00:05:39,503 My foods are good. 125 00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:40,771 Not mine. 126 00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:44,641 My hamburger keeps using inappropriate language. 127 00:05:44,642 --> 00:05:46,310 I don't understand. 128 00:05:46,311 --> 00:05:48,312 Oh, she was just joking. 129 00:05:48,313 --> 00:05:51,482 Choking! Choking! Choking! 130 00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:55,683 - Ah! No! - Choking! Choking! Choking! 131 00:05:57,826 --> 00:06:00,526 Enjoy your meal. 132 00:06:02,331 --> 00:06:03,961 Why didn't you do anything? 133 00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:06,962 I was getting video! 134 00:06:11,436 --> 00:06:13,570 Oh, hey, here's Goomer. 135 00:06:13,571 --> 00:06:16,240 Hey y'all. How do I look? 136 00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:17,590 - Good. - Stiff. 137 00:06:17,591 --> 00:06:19,477 Thanks. 138 00:06:19,478 --> 00:06:21,845 Oh, man. My mom'll be here any minute. 139 00:06:21,846 --> 00:06:25,082 Don't worry about it. Just go sit over there and wait for her to get here. 140 00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:27,055 And once you've talked to her for a few minutes, 141 00:06:27,056 --> 00:06:28,975 we'll come over and pretend to be your students. 142 00:06:28,976 --> 00:06:30,921 Oh, 'kay-kay. 143 00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:34,446 Uh, whoa whoa! Uh, what do we call your mom? 144 00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:36,160 Oh yeah what's her last name? 145 00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:39,101 Same as mine. Merr. 146 00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:42,345 So just call her "Ms. Merr". 147 00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:45,236 Wait. Your last name is Merr? 148 00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:46,273 Yeah. 149 00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:50,807 My Daddy was French, so my first name is Gieux. 150 00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:53,277 And my last name is Merr. 151 00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,478 See? 152 00:06:54,479 --> 00:06:56,819 Gieux Merr. 153 00:06:58,616 --> 00:06:59,821 Gieux? 154 00:06:59,822 --> 00:07:01,585 Merr. 155 00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:06,806 Like what those three wise guys brought baby Jesus. 156 00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:11,908 Momma! 157 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:13,230 Momma! 158 00:07:13,231 --> 00:07:15,290 - Mom, over here! - Oh, Gieux! 159 00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:16,430 Oh momma. 160 00:07:16,431 --> 00:07:18,035 Oh momma. 161 00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:21,785 That is not how I pictured her. 162 00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:24,443 Yeah, I thought she'd be taller. 163 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,009 So tell me... 164 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,312 How was school today? 165 00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:29,625 What school? 166 00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:31,315 The school where you teach. 167 00:07:31,316 --> 00:07:32,616 The school where I... 168 00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:35,252 Oh. Oh, that school. 169 00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:39,117 Yeah, I sure am a teacher at a high school. 170 00:07:39,118 --> 00:07:40,346 - Hey. - Hi. 171 00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:42,447 Oh, hi. 172 00:07:42,482 --> 00:07:44,183 Gieux... are these students of yours? 173 00:07:44,184 --> 00:07:46,524 Uh, y-yes. 174 00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:50,858 Uh. That's Sam, and this is Cat. 175 00:07:51,536 --> 00:07:54,171 They're girls... 176 00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,807 And who's this pretty lady you're sitting with? 177 00:07:56,808 --> 00:08:01,788 Did you meet her on Scrumptious Ladies dot com? 178 00:08:02,211 --> 00:08:05,031 That's just sick. 179 00:08:05,954 --> 00:08:08,986 This isn't your mother, is it? 180 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:11,270 Well, yes I am. 181 00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,371 You want us to sit? 182 00:08:13,372 --> 00:08:15,532 On what? 183 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:20,527 Oh, Mister Merr... 184 00:08:20,528 --> 00:08:23,648 Always with the jokes. 185 00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:28,964 Shove over, lady. 186 00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,312 So uh... 187 00:08:36,313 --> 00:08:37,413 Just a hunch... 188 00:08:37,414 --> 00:08:39,636 Did you adopt Goomer? 189 00:08:39,637 --> 00:08:41,386 I sure did. 190 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:44,955 I always wanted an extra-large baby. 191 00:08:44,956 --> 00:08:47,958 So I went to the big and tall adoption agency. 192 00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:50,794 Aw, and that's when you found your little Goomer? 193 00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,129 No no. 194 00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:57,474 My first choice was another baby boy, but they wouldn't let me have him. 195 00:08:57,475 --> 00:08:59,708 Uh, so Goomer was your second choice. 196 00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:01,200 Uh-uh. 197 00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:06,343 No, after I didn't get the baby I wanted, I just decided to get a dog. 198 00:09:06,344 --> 00:09:07,270 - Ah. - Oh. 199 00:09:07,271 --> 00:09:09,949 - Huh. - But then the dog ran away! 200 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,686 So I went back to the adoption agency... 201 00:09:12,687 --> 00:09:17,187 And that's when I found my little Gieux. 202 00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:21,793 I bet I was a cute baby, huh? 203 00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,894 I wish. 204 00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:29,300 Well, anyway, your son is such a great high school history teacher. 205 00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:31,735 Yes, we learn so much. 206 00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:32,758 Oh! 207 00:09:32,759 --> 00:09:36,539 Aw, that just butters my heart. 208 00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:38,773 What are you all studying in school right now? 209 00:09:38,774 --> 00:09:40,453 Uh... 210 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:44,515 Uh, ahem, why don't I let one of my students tell you? 211 00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:47,050 - Cat? - Pass. 212 00:09:47,051 --> 00:09:49,792 Sam, it's to you. 213 00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:51,528 Uh... 214 00:09:51,529 --> 00:09:55,273 He is teaching us about the American... 215 00:09:55,274 --> 00:09:56,793 War! 216 00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:58,462 And the declaration of... 217 00:09:58,463 --> 00:10:01,138 Abraham Lincoln and then, of course the great... 218 00:10:01,139 --> 00:10:03,534 Depression, at Pearl Harbor... 219 00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:06,295 Where Noah rolled... 220 00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:09,236 Up his flaming ark. 221 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:12,186 God bless America. 222 00:10:12,187 --> 00:10:13,852 Well... 223 00:10:13,853 --> 00:10:17,573 I'm just so proud of my son. 224 00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:20,117 Hey, can I ask you girls a favor? 225 00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,399 - Sure. - Maybe. 226 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,955 It's just... I've never seen Gieux teach a class before. 227 00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:29,889 Could you send me a video of him in your classroom, doing his thing? 228 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:30,709 Uh... 229 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:31,800 Wait! Since you're in town, 230 00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:37,701 why don't you just come watch him teach a class in person?! 231 00:10:39,404 --> 00:10:40,804 Oh! 232 00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:44,687 Now my mom's gonna find out I'm not really a high school history teacher, 233 00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:50,588 and she's gonna make me move back to Louisiana and work at the crawdad factory. 234 00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:54,351 - What are we gonna do? - I have an idea. 235 00:10:54,352 --> 00:10:57,655 Oh, lemme guess... does it involve mermaids? 236 00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,596 And a magical boat? 237 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,977 Fine, just forget it. 238 00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:16,978 Aw man, now Goomer's crying. 239 00:11:16,979 --> 00:11:19,347 Come on, Gooms. Don't cry. 240 00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:20,949 That's your favorite ice cream. 241 00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:23,151 I can't help it. 242 00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:27,052 Like I said a few minutes ago... 243 00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:31,904 My mom is gonna find out I'm not really a high school history teacher, 244 00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:35,371 and then she's gonna make me move back to Louisiana! 245 00:11:35,372 --> 00:11:39,212 And work at the crawdad factory. 246 00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:44,072 I feel like I've ruined Goomer's life. 247 00:11:44,073 --> 00:11:48,209 No. You've just ruined the rest of his life. 248 00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:51,208 Come on Sam, you're smart and sneaky! Think of something! 249 00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:53,247 I did. See? 250 00:11:53,248 --> 00:11:56,117 Peanut butter on a hot dog. 251 00:11:56,118 --> 00:11:59,538 I call it P.B. and Ween. 252 00:11:59,555 --> 00:12:01,222 How's it taste? 253 00:12:01,223 --> 00:12:03,503 Like butt. 254 00:12:04,894 --> 00:12:07,360 Come on. We gotta think of some way to fix this. 255 00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:09,330 Some things never get fixed. 256 00:12:09,331 --> 00:12:11,998 Like my brother's itches. 257 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:15,029 Everything can be fixed! You guys watch TV. 258 00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,872 All problems can be solved in a half-hour. 259 00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:19,708 But this is real life. 260 00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:22,297 Yeah. Not every bad situation gets fixed by some 261 00:12:22,298 --> 00:12:24,545 wacky character coming up with a "genius plan". 262 00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:25,346 I got it. 263 00:12:25,347 --> 00:12:27,215 - What? - What you got? 264 00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:28,583 Whatcha got? 265 00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:31,601 Okay! All we have to do is find a real teacher, 266 00:12:31,602 --> 00:12:33,768 who will let us use his classroom for a little while. 267 00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:38,359 And then Goomer can pretend to be a teacher just long enough to fool his mom! 268 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,360 That won't work! 269 00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:42,563 No real teacher is gonna let us take over his classroom. 270 00:12:42,564 --> 00:12:45,624 No real sane teacher. 271 00:12:54,828 --> 00:13:00,108 You'll see where I'm going with this in a second. 272 00:13:03,271 --> 00:13:06,310 It's time to begin an exercise called... 273 00:13:06,311 --> 00:13:09,124 "Backwards... acting". 274 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,259 - Now you see, anyone... - Sikowitz! 275 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,162 Cat, you're very late! Class is almost over. 276 00:13:14,163 --> 00:13:16,154 This is more important than class. 277 00:13:16,155 --> 00:13:21,169 More important than teaching young people "backwards acting?" 278 00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:23,905 Why are you dressed like a clown? 279 00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:25,339 Who is that girl? 280 00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:27,320 She's my friend and roommate, Sam. 281 00:13:27,321 --> 00:13:29,254 Well, she's not allowed to be in... 282 00:13:29,255 --> 00:13:31,895 Ah, farm-sauce. 283 00:13:32,949 --> 00:13:35,468 - Class dismissed. - Bye. 284 00:13:35,469 --> 00:13:38,987 Now what's all the hissy-fuss? 285 00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:41,709 You don't have a class in here after lunch, do you? 286 00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:42,991 Why? 287 00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:45,559 We need to use this classroom. 288 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,263 You strike me as pushy. 289 00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:49,898 She can be pushy. 290 00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:52,996 I can also be punchy and kicky. 291 00:13:52,997 --> 00:13:55,636 Can we please use your classroom after lunch? 292 00:13:55,637 --> 00:13:57,338 For what? 293 00:13:57,339 --> 00:13:58,795 - Charity. - What charity? 294 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,062 - Uh... - The Salvation Goomers! 295 00:14:01,063 --> 00:14:03,211 Yes, them. 296 00:14:03,212 --> 00:14:05,880 What does this charity do? 297 00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:08,049 They help teachers grow hair. 298 00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:11,170 My classroom is yours. 299 00:14:16,058 --> 00:14:19,127 Okay! This is your classroom. 300 00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:22,230 - My classroom? - Yeah. 301 00:14:22,231 --> 00:14:25,455 And you better be a good teacher, or else you're gonna be back in Louisiana 302 00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:28,736 working in a crawdad factory. 303 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:31,505 Where's Dice?! You said he was gonna be here. 304 00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:32,640 He's coming. 305 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,721 When? What's taking so long? 306 00:14:34,722 --> 00:14:35,677 He's only twelve. 307 00:14:35,678 --> 00:14:38,649 Cat had to dress him up so he'll look like a regular high school student. 308 00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:40,750 Uh-huh. 309 00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:44,986 Now, here are the cards that Cat and I wrote up for you to use. 310 00:14:44,987 --> 00:14:48,223 They have enough facts about history to get you through one class. 311 00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:52,604 Hey. Who's ready to meet teenage Dice?! 312 00:14:56,277 --> 00:14:58,333 What'd you do to him? 313 00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:02,470 I put him in teenage clothes, teenage glasses, and a teenage headband. 314 00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:04,805 He looks like a fuzzy hippie. 315 00:15:04,806 --> 00:15:06,901 Well, Dice loves it, don't ya? 316 00:15:06,902 --> 00:15:11,479 No, and why'd you give me so much pit hair? 317 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,255 Why'd you give him any pit hair? 318 00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:18,396 Because teenage boys grow this stuff! 319 00:15:20,821 --> 00:15:23,419 Ooh look! The shruggers are here. 320 00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:27,301 Okay, everybody go sit in the back and just pretend like it's a normal history class. 321 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:31,458 Yeah, uh don't raise your hands or say anything. Just react. 322 00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:37,359 - Am I allowed to raise my hand? - No. Keep that shrub outta sight. 323 00:15:41,546 --> 00:15:42,836 Uh... 324 00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:45,971 Oh. Guess what, children... 325 00:15:45,972 --> 00:15:50,518 Today, we have a very special guest here to watch me teach you all. 326 00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:53,087 Please welcome, my momma... 327 00:15:53,088 --> 00:15:55,308 Ms. Merr. 328 00:15:58,693 --> 00:16:01,513 Okay, settle down. 329 00:16:06,936 --> 00:16:12,836 Hey brothah, why don't you lay some groovy, far out history on us? 330 00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:17,778 Well, how am I supposed to talk?! 331 00:16:17,779 --> 00:16:20,815 Hmm. Perhaps we're out of time. 332 00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:23,463 - No, we're not. - Read the cards! 333 00:16:23,464 --> 00:16:24,460 Sam. 334 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:27,388 Oh yeah. The... the cards... 335 00:16:27,389 --> 00:16:31,109 Are all his classes like this? 336 00:16:31,126 --> 00:16:33,383 Oh, you just gonna shrug? 337 00:16:33,384 --> 00:16:35,792 Now on these cards... 338 00:16:35,793 --> 00:16:38,861 Are some history things that I'm gonna teach y'all... 339 00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,262 Today. So... 340 00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:44,122 There... there's nothing... 341 00:16:44,123 --> 00:16:46,307 They're all blank! 342 00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:47,608 Turn 'em over. 343 00:16:47,609 --> 00:16:48,709 What? 344 00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:52,070 Like turn them over, man. 345 00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:54,381 Oh. 346 00:16:56,059 --> 00:16:58,782 Uh, let me see here, uh... 347 00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:01,183 Uh, first... 348 00:17:01,402 --> 00:17:04,218 Oh no! These are written in a foreign language. 349 00:17:04,219 --> 00:17:06,027 Ahem! They're upside down. 350 00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:09,464 - I can't read a word. - They're upside down, man. 351 00:17:09,465 --> 00:17:10,598 What'd ya say? 352 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:14,739 What crawdad factory would hire you?! 353 00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:17,873 All right! I went on to Charityosity dot com! 354 00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:22,073 And there is no mention of a charity called the Salvation Goomers. 355 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,874 Ah! 356 00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:27,729 What kind of a clown class is this? 357 00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:29,183 Gieux? 358 00:17:29,184 --> 00:17:31,486 I'm sorry momma. 359 00:17:31,487 --> 00:17:33,821 I'm... I'm not a teacher. 360 00:17:33,822 --> 00:17:35,910 - Humma?! - I'm a... 361 00:17:35,911 --> 00:17:37,073 - Goomer. - Don't! 362 00:17:37,074 --> 00:17:39,337 I'm a fighter. 363 00:17:39,338 --> 00:17:43,311 I'm a Mixed Martial Arts fighter. And I'm good at it. 364 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,661 What?! 365 00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:46,702 Uh-oh. 366 00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,883 What? Hey! 367 00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:50,238 Wow! 368 00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:54,594 A fake high school history teacher who also works as a fighter?! 369 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:58,255 Who's impressed?! All of us?! 370 00:17:59,014 --> 00:18:01,549 A fighter?! You?! 371 00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:03,584 Yes, Ma'am. 372 00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:05,920 I am your mother. 373 00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:07,838 And you lied to me like a... 374 00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:10,119 Cheap rug! 375 00:18:10,259 --> 00:18:13,259 That burns my beezy. 376 00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,879 When I adopted you... 377 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,660 I should have kept the receipt. 378 00:18:26,308 --> 00:18:29,788 I burned my momma's beezy. 379 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:35,083 I'm taking off this headband. 380 00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:37,664 Um, if I may? 381 00:18:41,256 --> 00:18:44,136 Too much too soon. 382 00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:48,524 - Don't give me your lip! - Mama please. 383 00:18:48,525 --> 00:18:50,764 I don't wanna work in a crawdad factory! 384 00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:53,037 Poor Goomer. 385 00:18:53,038 --> 00:18:57,738 I guess his mom is really gonna make him move back to Lithuania. 386 00:18:57,739 --> 00:18:59,907 Louisiana. 387 00:18:59,908 --> 00:19:01,776 Same thing. 388 00:19:01,777 --> 00:19:05,179 You might not be a little boy but I'm still your mother, and you do what I tell you. 389 00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:06,451 But mom! 390 00:19:06,452 --> 00:19:08,716 Hey! Can I please say something? 391 00:19:08,717 --> 00:19:10,918 Yeah! Let's hear what Sam has to say. 392 00:19:10,919 --> 00:19:12,453 - Thank you. - Yeah. 393 00:19:12,454 --> 00:19:17,658 Now... does anyone know a place around here to get Mexican food? 394 00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,839 This is not taco time! 395 00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:24,126 - Where are we?! Where's your apartment?! - Right around that corner. 396 00:19:24,127 --> 00:19:26,930 Good, because that's where you're going to pack your bags so I can take 397 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,700 you home to Louisiana where you're gonna work in the crawdad factory. 398 00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:30,608 But momma! 399 00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:34,842 Mrs. Merr, he's a really talented fighter! He could be an MMA champion! 400 00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:38,779 No son of mine is gonna waste his life kicking and punching! 401 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,983 It's more than just kicking and punching! 402 00:19:40,984 --> 00:19:43,384 Yeah, there's choking and arm-bars and blood... 403 00:19:43,385 --> 00:19:45,312 Choking and arm-bars and blood?! 404 00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:47,353 Oh my! 405 00:19:50,228 --> 00:19:51,992 Hey... who are these guys? 406 00:19:51,993 --> 00:19:53,793 Hi. 407 00:19:54,858 --> 00:19:58,338 You're in the wrong alley. 408 00:19:59,188 --> 00:20:04,807 No. I'm pretty sure this is a shortcut to my apartment. 409 00:20:04,808 --> 00:20:09,843 Man I'm done with the toothpick, that's why I threw it at you. 410 00:20:09,844 --> 00:20:12,184 Uh, Goom... 411 00:20:13,164 --> 00:20:14,936 Gimme the purse and your watch. 412 00:20:14,937 --> 00:20:16,530 - What?! - Sam, do something! 413 00:20:16,531 --> 00:20:18,896 Uh wait, this could be a good thing. 414 00:20:18,897 --> 00:20:20,917 I said gimme the purse. 415 00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,228 Oh no! Gieux! 416 00:20:23,229 --> 00:20:25,089 Hey! 417 00:20:28,345 --> 00:20:31,045 Get 'em, Goomer! 418 00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:37,516 Policia! 419 00:20:37,517 --> 00:20:39,181 Assistance! 420 00:20:39,182 --> 00:20:41,462 Du po po! 421 00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:47,067 Oh! 422 00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:53,087 Oh, oh, oh... 423 00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:55,042 Hey hey! 424 00:20:55,043 --> 00:20:56,444 What's going on?! 425 00:20:56,445 --> 00:20:59,756 These men tried to steal Ms. Merr's purse. 426 00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:03,490 But then, then my son, he fought all three of them. 427 00:21:03,491 --> 00:21:07,940 And he ripped right through 'em like a tornado through a trailer park. 428 00:21:07,941 --> 00:21:10,584 Yeah. I bet you're pretty proud of Goomer, right? 429 00:21:10,585 --> 00:21:14,468 - Hmm? - Uh, yeah yeah, I'm real proud. 430 00:21:14,469 --> 00:21:15,955 So... 431 00:21:15,956 --> 00:21:18,037 Officer...? 432 00:21:18,038 --> 00:21:19,375 Bell. 433 00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:20,607 Bell. 434 00:21:20,608 --> 00:21:24,568 Hmm, that has a nice ring to it. 435 00:21:24,846 --> 00:21:26,446 Well, thanks. 436 00:21:26,447 --> 00:21:30,617 And speaking of rings, I don't see one on your wedding finger. 437 00:21:30,618 --> 00:21:33,319 No, Ma'am. My wife she passed away a few years back. 438 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,968 Oh. Let's go talk about that. 439 00:21:35,969 --> 00:21:38,324 Maybe I can cheer you up. 440 00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,245 Okay. 441 00:21:43,215 --> 00:21:49,102 But, wait! Momma! Does this mean I can stay in L.A. and still be a fighter?! 442 00:21:49,103 --> 00:21:51,263 Whatever! 443 00:21:52,507 --> 00:21:54,367 Yay. 444 00:21:54,475 --> 00:21:56,995 Not a hugger. 445 00:21:59,473 --> 00:22:01,333 Yay! 446 00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:04,833 Mmm, mmm, mmm... 447 00:22:07,704 --> 00:22:09,607 Turn the corn! 448 00:22:09,608 --> 00:22:11,368 All right! 449 00:22:11,369 --> 00:22:13,040 Mmm-mmm. 450 00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,314 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 451 00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:16,480 Mm! 452 00:22:16,481 --> 00:22:18,648 Now I have to pee. 453 00:22:18,649 --> 00:22:21,409 I'm not helping. 454 00:22:21,434 --> 00:22:27,334 Sync and corrections by P2Pfiend. Www.Addic7ed.Com.